At first glance, you might say “What kind of sick Bastard are you?! Of course, it’s not wrong to loot a corpse!” But it may not be such a cut and dry answer as you might think.

There are some serious considerations before you crack open that beautiful formerly human pinata of goodies.

It’s a trap!

Shocking, I know. Who would do such a sacrilegious thing?

It is not uncommon to place a body in an area that can easily be covered by a gunman or team waiting to spring on the unsuspecting corpse prospector.

Be especially wary of a corpse that is surrounded by buildings. It could be bait. It could also mean that a sniper has shot that person and is waiting for more unwilling victims to pass by.

If at all possible leave that corpse alone. Or clear the adjacent buildings first and then return to search the body.

The body itself is a trap

An even more common occurrence is to lay a de-pinned grenade under a corpse.

It’s almost an everyday occurrence for Isis and other terrorist groups to booby trap corpses as they flee shitting on their pants from a formerly occupied area.

How to check a corpse for Traps

So to check a body for traps first take a look around it:

1) Make sure no wires are leading from the body. This could be a trip wire attached to an improvised explosive device like a pipe bomb or connected to a grenade pin. It could be someone waiting to detonate the body, in which case your already dead.

2) If it isn’t someone you care about give it a good stab to make sure it is in fact dead. The last thing you want is to be searching a sleepy time zombie, or a would-be robber playing possum.

3) Gently check again for wires and needles. You don’t want to explode or get stuck with an infected needle.

4) Lightly check for tightly packed grenades in cargo pockets and other storage pouches.

5) Lay on top of the corpse, grab hold of it and roll over with the body. This will help mitigate the effects of a blast from a grenade or mine underneath. Hopefully, you have some type of body armor.

6) Roll that maggot farm off of yourself and with the dexterity of Oliver Twist rifle through its pockets. You are home free.

Someone you love, or kind of like.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you find the body of someone you know. Here are some tips:

1) Check for booby traps same as before.
2) Don’t stab them.
3) Make sure they are in fact dead.
4) If they are just incapacitated, give them first aid/CPR.
5) If they are in fact dead, give them a good stabbing. Today’s dead friend or loved one is tomorrows zombie eating your spleen.
6) Like an Italian Subway pickpocket, check for loot. The wasteland Provides.

Don’t feel bad.

Listen, you might feel bad for taking the belongings of your former friend or colleague. But you shouldn’t, I’m sure that they would have wanted you to have it.

Think of it as a gift for all the Birthdays and Christmases that they’ll miss now that they are feeding worms and the occasional wild dog. Besides, it’s not like they’re using it anymore.

Other Considerations before the Apocalypse.

With all this new found knowledge you might be chomping at the bit to get out there and loot that dead body lying by the railroad tracks. But you shouldn’t and here is why.

The first being, do you really want your fingerprints all over what could be a murder victim?

Listen, there is nothing worse than going to prison for life because you ate a grilled cheese sandwich before rubbing your greasy fingertips all over that rotting Hobo.

Besides, that bloody knife that you used to stab the corpse with makes you seem really guilty. Sure, you get three hots, a cot and all the penis you can handle, but is it worth your freedom?

Probably not. Unless your into that kind of thing. Who am I to judge? It is the current year after all.

Unfair treatment for soldiers.

If you are a Soldier, that old arch-nemesis of mine the Geneva Convention makes looting a corpse a war crime. Unless you’re taking something that is of strategic value or a threat to a soldier away. So unfair.

A-holes who booby trap rotting meat sacks.

First of all, you can go F@#k yourself. Second of all, don’t do it before the apocalypse because you will go to jail and it won’t be pleasant. Why?

Because it’s illegal and if there is one thing people in the American prison system hate, it’s people who f@#k with corpses.

Ask Jeffrey Dahmer if you don’t believe me. Also, because it endangers the lives of Emergency Medical Service men and women.

Here are some references if you want to learn more about the legality of looting corpses.


The illegality of soldiers to loot corpses:

OK for Terrorist groups, non-military to booby trap baby corpses:

Don’t put booby traps on your dead bodies before apocalypse because you’ll get butt lovin’: /

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